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LJ Idol 11: A New World Order
According to the internet, Scientology teaches that human beings are alien spirits somehow trapped on earth inside "meat puppets" with the single most important goal of survival. My knowledge of Scientology is limited to what I read on the internet. Therefore, it must be true.
You would think that a made up religion that based its principals on a belief in aliens would be okay with sex. I mean, I would assume that their sex rules would read like Green Eggs and Ham.
I will and can with a (Silver) fox.
I will have sex and not be a mouse.
I will have sex inside a house (or outside!).
I will nibble here and there.
I will nibble (and lick and suck etc. just about) anywhere.
Alas, my hopes were dashed. Scientology, like most religions, gets hung up on sex. There are "rules" and "taboos." Hell, there's an application process! To join the chuch, you have to answer personal questions like:
"Have you ever raped anyone/been raped?"
"Have you ever been involved in an abortion?"
"Do you have any bastards?"
"Have you ever been sexually unfaithful?"
"Have you ever practiced homosexuality?"
"Have you ever practiced sodomy?"
"Have you ever slept with a member of a race of another color?"
"Have you ever had anything to do with pornography?"
"Have you ever masturbated?"
L. Ron Hubbard (the science fiction writing creator of Scientology) is no Dr. Suess.
His non-practicing and estranged son, Ron DeWolfe, once said, "In Scientology the focus is on sex. Sex, sex, sex. All you've got to do is find a person's kinks, whatever they might be. Their dreams and fantasies. Then you can fit a ring through their noses and take them anywhere. You promise to fulfill their fantasies or you threaten to expose them ... very simple."
Basically, it boils down to sex between married people is acceptable, but really, no one should be having sex because it is a tool of the MAN (psychiatrists, especially) to spread pain and hate among humanity. Apparently, this (and psychology) has been going on for a million years. So sayeth the internet.
All in all, I found this very disturbing. So, I've decided to do something about it. I mean, if L. Ron can do it, why not me?
Announcement for Immediate Public Release:
Wherein sex is not an inherintly evil thing.
Premise, the First: Sex, first and foremost, must always be consensual.
Premise, the Second: Sex must not cause harm (mental or physical) to either (any) participant or anyone involved.
Premise, the Third: Do unto others, as you would have done unto you.
That's about it folks. See how easy Bewizeology is? *grins*
There are other perks, too.
* You don't have to get up early on Sunday.
* You don't have to pay money. And if you do have to pay money, just make sure it's actually consensual.
* When attractive people convert to Bewizeology, they actually become more likely to be interested in others.
* There are health benefits to living a life under the Doctrine as well. Lose weight, lose stress, strengthen your heart. It's a win win win.
* Appropriate dress is as much or as little as you want.
* And don't even ask me about communion.
Frequently Asked Questions:
Are there any Holidays (Hole-y Days)?
~ Yes! What days are most special and meaningful to you? Those are the days where you should celebrate. (The use of puns is always encouraged in Bewizeology.)
Are there any special Rites of Passage?
~ Do you really need to ask this question? If you do, please schedule a meeting with a practitioner near you and ask for personal guidance.
Is there a structure within the Doctrine of Bewizeology?
~ Well, it's got my name on it, but really... some days I want to be in charge. Some days I don't. I figure most practitioners will feel the same. Go with your inner feelings. Some days you're in charge, some days you don't have to be.
Are there any Sacred Places and/or Icons involved in the Doctrine of Bewizeology?
~Yes. Bedrooms, sofas, kitchen tables, bathroom counters, the backseat of cars, elevators... (Is this too much?) Basically, any place can be a sacred place if you want as long as no one is harmed by it.
~ When it comes to Icons (special and meaningful objects), the list is as long as the mind is inventive. Be fun. Be creative. Do you have a special cushion or pillow? Maybe a swing? Bubble bath?
Are there any prayers?
~ If you're doing it right, there will be many invocations of higher powers, repeated loudly and often.
If the whole world practices Bewizeology, there would be no rape, no sexual molestation, no abuse, no sexual slavery and no inequality of power. Perhaps, I really should follow L. Ron's example (minus the crazy) and start a religion.
The Doctrine of Bewizeology promises good healing sex for all.
This entry was written in response to the
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therealljidol Challenge 11: (See the Picture Above). There will be voting for this week's entries. I will make sure to link to the poll once it is put up and I would appreciate it if you would vote for me if you enjoy my entry. As always, feedback is welcome and appreciated.
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*grin* great post!
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This is my favorite of your doctrines.
Clever post and a great take on the topic!
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It was my favorite too. And an unofficial policy of mine for years. "You want to do ... what?" "Okay, if I get to go first."
Thanks!
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I'm not bummed about it either!
Thanks. :D
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Glad to amuse.
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Glad to amuse. :)
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Hmm... perhaps Bewizeology and Vortexism musn't be at odds.
What say you, High Priestess?
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And, um... I think we've been practicing Bewizeology for years, so can we get grandfathered in? :D
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Of course now my mind is all aflutter as to what would Scientology reveal about Tom and Katie's sex life...hmm...
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I approve of your way of thinking! *grins*
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Thank you kindly. *grins*
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Thanks for reading and commenting!
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Thanks for reading and commenting!
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My fave line is:~ If you're doing it right, there will be many invocations of higher powers, repeated loudly and often.
Well Said!
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