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Winning
I bit the bullet and signed up for Weight Watchers again. I feel like P is right - this is the time to get our lives back under control. I don't want to be the woman in the cartoon anymore. I want everything to make sense and be easy and feel like I'm doing good things with my life. I feel like I can manage this and Weight Watchers worked for me.
It's not that I feel particularly fat at all. I don't. I actually feel pretty good. I'm loving all the exercise and I'm loving all the endorphins. I just also want to love the way I look. I am going to keep my goals small and manageable. First goal, get back to my last WW weight.
I want to spend at least part of my life knowing that I look good and enjoying it.
I want to be sexy and confident. Instead, I feel adequate. That's pretty sad, actually, considering I'm 31. I've never felt sexy, only adequate. Oh well. I'll work on it and see what I can manage.
I went running today again. It was awesome. My legs hurt, actually. I ache, which is definitely from the running, but damn if I'm not loving it! I actually went out today and ran for 25 minutes without even being fussed that I could do it. It was a nice change. I *knew* that I could run for 25 minutes, so I did. I also know that I can run for 28 minutes this week and then 30 minutes the week after that.
I need to start working on my speed, and also do a distance check and make sure that I'm running far enough. I don't mind being slow, and since I know that I can keep going after I finish the time, I feel confident that I can run the entirety of a 5K, I just need more practice.
And good lord, do you know how it feels to say that? I *know* I can *run* a 5K. And I can! I totally, totally can!
Holy crap, I'm bad ass! *lol*
I am going to try and weigh in tomorrow. Might as well get the week off to a good start. If I can't weigh in and have it count, well... I'll make it work. I need to check and see what time the meetings are tomorrow. I don't think Marcia has a meeting tomorrow, although I really wish she did. I deliberately chose to go back to the location where she's a leader.
During the Hall of Fame Luncheon, the speakers all talked about Winners. I'm tired of not being a Winner by their definition. "Winners make commitments; Losers make excuses."
"A winner doesn't blame others for his failures, or credit luck for his successes."
That one needed a bit of time to sink in. I think I'm decent at accepting blame for my failures, but I definitely credit "luck" or others for my successes. It's part of the whole "impostor syndrome" idea and I cannot express how much I reject that idea. The thought of giving up so much control of my life by letting someone or something else be the driving force in it is terrifying. Honestly, I'd rather be responsible for whether I succeed or fail. I'd rather carry myself than depend on someone to carry me. I'd rather be the captain of my own ship, even if, *especially* if I wreck it.
I wonder how much of people's lives would be different if we all owned it.
Like this - I'm overweight and I own it.
I'm not as organized as I need to be, and I own it.
I'm not as focused as I need to be, and I own it.
I'm not as financially responsible as I need to be, and I own it.
Now that I own it, the responsibility for it is left on my shoulders. I'm joining Weight Watchers and exercising. I've gotten all my papers in order. I'm making an effort with To Do lists. I've built a financial plan that I think is reasonable, and I'm working on it.
But mostly, I'm trying to learn t cut myself a break when I need it. If I don't get everything done OMG, RIGHT NOW, then I can *still* get it done. It doesn't mean I should quit.
It's not that I feel particularly fat at all. I don't. I actually feel pretty good. I'm loving all the exercise and I'm loving all the endorphins. I just also want to love the way I look. I am going to keep my goals small and manageable. First goal, get back to my last WW weight.
I want to spend at least part of my life knowing that I look good and enjoying it.
I want to be sexy and confident. Instead, I feel adequate. That's pretty sad, actually, considering I'm 31. I've never felt sexy, only adequate. Oh well. I'll work on it and see what I can manage.
I went running today again. It was awesome. My legs hurt, actually. I ache, which is definitely from the running, but damn if I'm not loving it! I actually went out today and ran for 25 minutes without even being fussed that I could do it. It was a nice change. I *knew* that I could run for 25 minutes, so I did. I also know that I can run for 28 minutes this week and then 30 minutes the week after that.
I need to start working on my speed, and also do a distance check and make sure that I'm running far enough. I don't mind being slow, and since I know that I can keep going after I finish the time, I feel confident that I can run the entirety of a 5K, I just need more practice.
And good lord, do you know how it feels to say that? I *know* I can *run* a 5K. And I can! I totally, totally can!
Holy crap, I'm bad ass! *lol*
I am going to try and weigh in tomorrow. Might as well get the week off to a good start. If I can't weigh in and have it count, well... I'll make it work. I need to check and see what time the meetings are tomorrow. I don't think Marcia has a meeting tomorrow, although I really wish she did. I deliberately chose to go back to the location where she's a leader.
During the Hall of Fame Luncheon, the speakers all talked about Winners. I'm tired of not being a Winner by their definition. "Winners make commitments; Losers make excuses."
"A winner doesn't blame others for his failures, or credit luck for his successes."
That one needed a bit of time to sink in. I think I'm decent at accepting blame for my failures, but I definitely credit "luck" or others for my successes. It's part of the whole "impostor syndrome" idea and I cannot express how much I reject that idea. The thought of giving up so much control of my life by letting someone or something else be the driving force in it is terrifying. Honestly, I'd rather be responsible for whether I succeed or fail. I'd rather carry myself than depend on someone to carry me. I'd rather be the captain of my own ship, even if, *especially* if I wreck it.
I wonder how much of people's lives would be different if we all owned it.
Like this - I'm overweight and I own it.
I'm not as organized as I need to be, and I own it.
I'm not as focused as I need to be, and I own it.
I'm not as financially responsible as I need to be, and I own it.
Now that I own it, the responsibility for it is left on my shoulders. I'm joining Weight Watchers and exercising. I've gotten all my papers in order. I'm making an effort with To Do lists. I've built a financial plan that I think is reasonable, and I'm working on it.
But mostly, I'm trying to learn t cut myself a break when I need it. If I don't get everything done OMG, RIGHT NOW, then I can *still* get it done. It doesn't mean I should quit.