bewize

I really suck at being a grown up, y'all. I mean... total failure. This is the second time in a year that I've had to move, and it's the second time in as many moves that every box makes me just want to cry with despair. There are a multitude of reasons for that, but at the end... I just don't want to do it.

I know that you have to do what you HAVE To DO, but I don't want to. I want to just... give up. I hate moving. It freaks me out. It stresses me inordinate, unreasonable, unaccountable amounts. I just want to curl into a ball and wait until They (whoever They are) come and move all my crap for me.

At least this time, I can do some of the packing. Although, in furtherance of my "not a grown up" comment, V was helping me earlier today and made me stop because "you're starting to wheeze again."

Y'all... I just don't know.

How on earth did anyone ever decide that I was an adult? There must be a test somewhere that I've just forgotten to take and I'm fooling everyone, right?

Right now, at this moment, I don't want to talk to the crazy client that should be here in any minute. I don't want to go home and finish packing my dressers. I don't want to figure out what the hell I need to do with the rest of my stuff. I don't want to figure out about whether or not I need more storage. I don't want to figure out if I'm doing the right thing or just wussing out (a la Steve's comment). I don't want to figure out if I should diminish one credit card payment in favor of another. I don't want to figure out what to do with BCBS's letter telling me that my personal info was hijacked. I don't want to look up more information about freezing my credit. I don't want to keep playing nice around the office. I don't want to keep playing nice with my step-dad. I don't want to keep being grateful to friends for making sure I stay alive, because I'm clearly too stupid to do it myself. I don't want to stop for gas for the car. I don't want to stop for milk for my coffee. I don't want to do more laundry. I don't want to do more work. I don't want to keep trying to track this guy down for a phone interview. I don't want to figure out why my desktop computer doesn't work. I don't want to figure out how to hook up the printer so that it's wireless. I don't want to have to be nice to people so they'll do things for me. I don't want to have to keep coddling Steve so that he doesn't stress me out even more than I already am. I don't want to have to buy more socks. I don't want to have to get a knee brace. I don't want to wear in my new running shoes. I don't want to negotiate with my credit card so that my APR goes down. I don't want to have to figure out why my student loan payment isn't auto-deducting anymore. I don't want to have to reset up auto-deductions. I don't want to have to pay BCBS for my health insurance, esp. since they've already proven to be incompetent.

I don't want to do any of it.

I want to eat ice cream and watch crap tv and let someone else make all the decisions.

Is this possible???

/meltdown

Or who am I kidding? The meltdown is just beginning.