bewize

Since deciding to fill my life with WHIMSY again, I keep running into situations that I find unbelievable at first, and then funny later. :) I don't know if I'm just seeing it that way again, or if my determination to be that way again is putting me in more situations.

I'm going to guess the former, but... you never know.

So, this weekend, after leaving Snowman's party, I was trying to drive west, but the interstates were ALL shut down for repairs. I decided to exit on a road that I knew would get me around most of the traffic jam and still take me in the direction I wanted to go.

Clearly, I've not driven this part of the road before, because let me just say - SKETCHY AS HELL. But in between dodging the billion cars and people running across the street in the dark, I noticed a man standing on the side of the road.

I didn't notice him because of his clothes or because he was good looking. No. I noticed him because he was aiming a bow and arrow at traffic.

Visions of being shot by an arrow immediately filled my mind and I pondered that death, rejecting it in favor of rule 73 (Bewize can only be murdered if it's by ninjas), I realized that it was officially the most bizarre thing I'd seen in a while.

I also decided that unless it was an armor piercing arrow, or he was the Green Arrow or something, I was likely safe enough in the car, so other than double checking my door locks, I didn't worry overly much.

*****************

Last night, after boot camp, I went out with a friend who informed me that she "wanted to find some trouble." I'm not sure she had in mind the degree of chaos that follows me around on a regular basis, because she seemed rather alarmed when the cops showed up at one point. LOL.

It's really an innocent story. I'm house sitting. I forgot to print out the email with pertinent information on it - like, say, the alarm codes. So, when I opened the door, and the alarm went off, it took me longer than the prescribed 45 seconds to deal with said situation.

I did, however, get the alarm turned off. Eventually. Then, I decided I'd better do useful things, like take care of the dogs, before the cops showed up. So, we did that and right about the time she was certain the cops weren't coming, they showed up.

THANKFULLY, they didn't show up with guns drawn or anything. But I was talking to the officer and explaining the situation, and he says, "Is this the phone number *rattles off numbers*?"

Honestly, I had NO IDEA if it was right or not, but since he was looking a little twitchy, I just said, "Sure!"

Turns out that was the right answer, and I was able to successfully convince said officer that we were not breaking and entering. Unfortunately, I got the giggles about this time and couldn't stop laughing while I was talking to him. He did not find it nearly as funny as I did, but all I could imagine was having to call S and tell him to get me out of jail for B&E.

The friend that was with me simply pointed out that in the time it took them to get there, we could have been murdered. To which, I responded that we couldn't have been, because there were no ninjas.

The whole situation became promptly surreal at that point, but it was still damned funny.

AND, we didn't get arrested! No harm, no foul. :D

The homeowner, who got a series of increasingly frantic voice mails, followed by one calm one, "The cops came. It's fine now." simply sent a text saying, "Glad it worked out."

LOL.

My life. I've missed it. *clings*

I just walked into my house from my whirlwind trip to Rome to see my dad/spring his minion from jail/etc. I'm on the phone and I walk in and see two of the cats staring at me, but I think nothing of it. Then I see a pile of... something on the floor. Hairball. Great.

Then I see a while lot of... something... scattered around, but there's a blanket next to it and I decide that it must be string or something. Then I round the corner and see a third cat looking at me suspiciously. Another hairball.

Then I see *it*.

Only, I have no idea what *it* is. I approach with caution and find, to my horror, a dead bird. I think it's a sparrow.

So, now I'm left with a better understanding of what the stuff on the floor is (feathers), why the house is destroyed, and why the cats all look jumpy. What I cannot understand is where the HELL did the bird come from???

I was in a hurry this morning, but there is NO WAY I would have missed a bird flying around. Doors were closed. Windows were closed and have screens.

I guess it came down the chimney, but damn! That bird picked the wrong fucking chimney.



RIP, birdie. RIP.

(And, please, don't be like a zombie bird or something. That will really ruin my night tonight.)

ETA: I've been informed that dead sparrows in a house when you can't tell where they came from are actually harbingers of death. So, well... not much I can do about that little fact, is there. *woes*

LOL. If this is it, folks, it's been a hell of a ride. I hope I go with less trauma than the birdie!

C and I hit the Jagermeister Tour last night and saw Hell Yeah and Buckcherry. It was tremendous fun, as always, but for us - it was a bit on the tame side. LOL.

We ate at Sidebar and started making a dent in our sobriety there, but managed to get to the concert literally with enough time to grab a beer and watch Hell Yeah. Loud, awesome, fun. The music basically felt like a living being pushing through the crowd. You could feel it in your chest and in your ears and everywhere. Being in a crowd like that, it's strangely one of the few places that it's possible to just... not care so much about stuff.

When Hell Yeah was over, C went to the restroom and left me standing by the bar (our spot). It didn't take more than a minute before this very drunk (and slightly creepy) guy appears next to me and says, "DAMN!"

I replied, "What?"

"You're hot."

And it went downhill from there, only in a funny watching a ski video crash on youtube sort of downhill. His friend "Kevin" also joined in the conversation and the next thing I know, I'm being asked, "So, do you like to have a good time?"

Now, there are so *many* places that question can lead that I couldn't help myself. "I always like a good time. What did you have in mind?"

"What are you doing tonight?"

"Drinking and watching this concert."

"Oh, well we have a hotel room..."

I confess. I really thought he was going the drug route. I was surprised to be so blatantly propositioned. I was also grateful that C picked that moment to show up again. Drunk Guy was NOT, since he literally threw his hand out between C and me and said, "Whoa!"

C blinked, smirked and said, "Really???"

At that point, Drunk Guy and C started talking and I heard bits of the conversation like, "What do you do with her?" "I can make a few suggestions." Yeah, thanks C. Encourage this one. LOL.

"Kevin" bought me a beer and then said, "We're both married. Our wives are over here. Come and meet them."

I tried to talk "Kevin" out of buying me a drink, but when he insisted I finally just took it. Who am I to turn down free beer? We extricated ourselves, did NOT go meet the wives, and basically laughed about it for the next hour, recalling stories from last year, when "Jesus" took a "laying on of the hands" approach to hitting on me and then his tatted friend finally intervening with, "Don't make me kick Jesus' ass!"

So, we get to the end of Buckcherry, the lights go on, and this girl walks by me. Now, don't get me wrong, I can appreciate the female form with the best of them, but I rarely do a double take of appreciation and I did with this girl. She saw me and came over to chat. The next thing I know, "Hey, we've got a bottle of Jack in the hotel room. Do you guys wanna come over with us?"

*headdesk* (I was clearly having a good hair day. But, IDEK...)

Her girlfriend, by the way, was equally as hot. We ended up chatting with them for quite a while so she could get her boob signed by the lead singer of Hell Yeah. Then we made our way to Sidebar, got stopped by a guy with an interest in knowing if we were affiliated with law enforcement and possibly selling us "something the powdery color of that car," and finally ordered another drink for the evening.

Then, lo and frigging behold, "Kevin" and Drunk Guy show up. They proceed to stare at us so hard that it freaked me out and we finally bailed. Of course, by this time, it's half past one and we're waiting on the last marta train (sounds like a song, yes?) to get us back to Decatur.

At this point, we compare notes and agree - kind of tame for us. LOL.

But, it was fun and I'm glad we went. Even if I did only get about 4 hours of sleep. I'm sure I'll regret that in the wee hours on the way to FL, but right now I'm just amused.

**************

All that said, I do think I'm going to slow down a bit in March. I need to focus on some things and I can't do it very well while living the Rock and Roll lifestyle. You've got my number though. (And so does the hot chick from last night.)

Every morning, M gets up and wants to watch "DV" which is toddler for Music Videos. IDEK.

But, since I am also a huge fan, who am I to tell him no??? We now have a long list of favorites, but he's actually talking enough now to ask for them by name (sorta) and today he wanted, "OH!! RIDA!!!"

It certainly got me pumped up. So, I shall share!

So, not only did I start the new year with either food posioning or a stomach bug, I earned... wait for it... car problems on the second.

Yep, car won't start.

AREYOUFREAKINGKIDDINGMEUNIVERSE?!

Yesterday, I did something very stupid. I admit it. I will even admit that I deserved to be fussed at (which I was) and that I certainly won't do it again. But, it's funny, so I'm sharing.

So, yesterday, I found out what happens when you wait to long to fill your gas tank. I knew I was about out; I was looking for a gas station, and my car just... started to stop. I managed through some Jedi mind-tricks to get the car across oncoming traffic without braking and into a CitGo station.

Now, let me set the stage. It's dusk. I have an hour+ drive to a closing. I'm already late. I'm in a business suit. I've got on heels. The parking lot is PACKED with cars. There are people - who all look very sketchy - going in and out of the store.

It turns out, that none of the gas pumps were physically present, except for three on the far right side. I was, of course, dead in the water on the left. So, I go inside, where everyone is staring at me like I'm an undercover cop. And in that part of town, being the color I am, it's not an entirely foregone conclusion.

Of course, it took them all about five seconds to realize that I was, instead, just a dumb white girl who ran out of gas. So, I purchased a gas canister and attempted to fill my car with enough gas to get it to run so I could move to the ONE functional pump. (Keep in mind, there is enough space for a dozen pumps. They're just... gone.)

After I provide much amusement to the spectators, one guy saunters over, "Awww, baby, don't you worry about a thing. I'm gonna take real good care of you."

Now I'm stuck. Because, quite honestly, I need someone to "take real good care of me" at that moment, but his demeanor and his opening line set my teeth on edge. So I tell myself, "Bewize, this is what you get for being a dumbass."

I promptly go into my meek and mild impression, and Ray helps me out. Of course, it turns out Ray has no idea what we're doing either, and half an hour later, we're both drenched in gasoline. My hands, my sleeves, my jacket, the outside of my car, my shoes - ditto for him. But we manage.

During the half hour, Ray reveals to me that he's waiting for his aunt to come out of the store. Now, I've been in that store at least 3 times by this point and there are no women in it. So I ask him where she is and he says, "Downstairs in the basement."

I'm super confused, so I ask what's in the basement.

A casino.

Wait, let me clarify.

An illegal casino.

Now it all makes sense.

Finally, between Ray and I, we are smart enough to get the car gassed and moving, and I fork over $10 as thanks for saving the "damsel in distress." He took it and I warned him against lighting a cigarette any time soon, then left for my destination. For which I was 90 minutes late.

By the time I got there, I was sky high on gas fumes.

SO LET THIS BE A LESSON TO YOU ALL. TAKE WARNING FROM MY FAILURE. DON'T RIDE THE "E"!!!

Or you just might end up in a sketchy part of town, in front of an illegal casino, with one functional gas pump, dependent upon a guy named Ray who promises to "take real good care of you."

~FIN~