So, from what I can figure, today's 3w4dw non-fannish topic is
dedication to inclusiveness. This... scares me a bit. When I discovered that yesterday's theme was "cooking," I decided that it would be fun to make a public post trying to keep up with the non-fannish themes each day.
It was going to be a fun writing exercise, and one dedicated to making me a better writer. I thought, "Self, turning something around in a few hours is a good exercise. Plus, it'll be fun."
But wading in on issues of inclusivness - or rather, on sensitive issues involving race, sexual orientation, gender and/or religion - is a bit daunting. I confess, I nearly backed out. I've read so many wonderful essays dedicated to these issues by men and women who are smarter and more knowledgable than me that I'm not sure what, if anything, I can offer to the conversation. Plus, honestly, the risk of public humiliation is high.
For the sake of disclaimer, allow me to say that I am a straight, white woman who grew up in the southern United States, and who definitely falls in the upper middle class in terms of education and current lifestyle (though not in terms of how I grew up).
I attended a prestigious private women's liberal arts college and then obtained my JD. I've practiced law for five years. I write for several newspapers and magazines about a variety of topics mostly ranging from health to entertainment. Until the past year, I was extremely healthy and suffered from no disabilities. (Now, I have chronic adult onset asthma, but that is not really relevant.)
I tell you these things so that anyone who might wish to turn away can do so, but also because I think it's important to understand where I've come from in order to understand where I am and where I'm going to. And I write this post because I've realized that no one in the whole world needs to know or care where I've been, where I stand, or where I'm going but me.
This is me, looking in the mirror, and admitting that I don't like everything I see.
For a while, I wracked my brain about how to best approach this topic, but then I remembered reading quite extensively about the idea of "BINGO cards" a few months back. I looked them up at the time and was appalled by some of the excuses on there, even as I became uncomfortable by some of the others. I was uncomfortable because at some point in my life, I'd heard them offered as an excuse and accepted them as valid. I was uncomfortable because at some point in my life, I'd made those excuses and felt justified.
Realizing that I'd made racist/ablest/(and even sexist) comments was upsetting in a way that I cannot describe and, for a while, I turned away from it. Then I read a post by a friend, who is a person of color, who said something along the lines of, "If you choose to turn and walk away, at least admit to yourself that it is your privilege that allows you that choice - and think about all of us that will never be given that choice."
That stung.
A lot.
Because it was true.
Still, I kept my silence for a long time - making even more excuses like "who wants to hear what I have to say anyway?" and "everyone else says it so much better." Then the topic comes up right after I challenged myself to answer every non-fannish topic with a post. I pep talked myself into positng and told myself to not be a coward. I may be many things, but I'm not a coward. And, as long as I can remember, I have demanded that I meet the same standards that I would expect of anyone else. So, here goes.
( Learning to See, and Accept Responsibility for, my Own Privilege )I always say that when you make a mistake, the best thing to do is to say you're sorry and promise to do better.
I've made a lot of mistakes.
For what it's worth, I'm sorry.
For what it's worth, I'll do better.
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