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bewizeSo, from what I can figure, today's 3w4dw non-fannish topic is dedication to inclusiveness. This... scares me a bit. When I discovered that yesterday's theme was "cooking," I decided that it would be fun to make a public post trying to keep up with the non-fannish themes each day.
It was going to be a fun writing exercise, and one dedicated to making me a better writer. I thought, "Self, turning something around in a few hours is a good exercise. Plus, it'll be fun."
But wading in on issues of inclusivness - or rather, on sensitive issues involving race, sexual orientation, gender and/or religion - is a bit daunting. I confess, I nearly backed out. I've read so many wonderful essays dedicated to these issues by men and women who are smarter and more knowledgable than me that I'm not sure what, if anything, I can offer to the conversation. Plus, honestly, the risk of public humiliation is high.
For the sake of disclaimer, allow me to say that I am a straight, white woman who grew up in the southern United States, and who definitely falls in the upper middle class in terms of education and current lifestyle (though not in terms of how I grew up).
I attended a prestigious private women's liberal arts college and then obtained my JD. I've practiced law for five years. I write for several newspapers and magazines about a variety of topics mostly ranging from health to entertainment. Until the past year, I was extremely healthy and suffered from no disabilities. (Now, I have chronic adult onset asthma, but that is not really relevant.)
I tell you these things so that anyone who might wish to turn away can do so, but also because I think it's important to understand where I've come from in order to understand where I am and where I'm going to. And I write this post because I've realized that no one in the whole world needs to know or care where I've been, where I stand, or where I'm going but me.
This is me, looking in the mirror, and admitting that I don't like everything I see.
For a while, I wracked my brain about how to best approach this topic, but then I remembered reading quite extensively about the idea of "BINGO cards" a few months back. I looked them up at the time and was appalled by some of the excuses on there, even as I became uncomfortable by some of the others. I was uncomfortable because at some point in my life, I'd heard them offered as an excuse and accepted them as valid. I was uncomfortable because at some point in my life, I'd made those excuses and felt justified.
Realizing that I'd made racist/ablest/(and even sexist) comments was upsetting in a way that I cannot describe and, for a while, I turned away from it. Then I read a post by a friend, who is a person of color, who said something along the lines of, "If you choose to turn and walk away, at least admit to yourself that it is your privilege that allows you that choice - and think about all of us that will never be given that choice."
That stung.
A lot.
Because it was true.
Still, I kept my silence for a long time - making even more excuses like "who wants to hear what I have to say anyway?" and "everyone else says it so much better." Then the topic comes up right after I challenged myself to answer every non-fannish topic with a post. I pep talked myself into positng and told myself to not be a coward. I may be many things, but I'm not a coward. And, as long as I can remember, I have demanded that I meet the same standards that I would expect of anyone else. So, here goes.
This is the first Bingo Card I ever saw. It had such a profound affect on me that I saved it to my computer. To my shame, I have failed with more than half of these categories in the past.
I thought, as a liberal, that I didn't need to worry about being racist. I thought, that as someone who grew up around minorities (both of my parents' best-friends were in bi-racial marriages), that as someone who took a black guy to my HS Prom, that as someone whose closet friend is a person of color, that as someone who has two god-children that aren't white, I was somehow magically immune to being racist.
Boy, was I wrong.
The US Census this year brought the problem home to me in a couple of unexpected ways. As many of you probably already know, it didn't have enough boxes on it. I have a friend from Peru who didn't know what box to check when it came to race. One of best friendz called me in tears because her child (my godson) didn't fit into any of the boxes.
I hadn't thought a thing of it. I checked "Caucasian" and sent the form back without a second thought.
And that, I think, is where I did it wrong. I need to have second thoughts more often. Hell, I need to have third and forth and fifth and fiftieth thoughts. Because if I, who claim to be an ally, turn a blind eye to the problem, then what kind of ally am I really?
I saw a video recently about "Shopping While Black" where an actress was hired to follow/harass other actors who were POC in a store in front of witnesses. The result was clear: Too few people, even those who later claimed to be allies, are willing to stand up and make a fuss when it needs to be made.
We turn away because we can. It's a luxury afforded by our skin color.
I wonder how I would have reacted in that situation prior to the video. I don't know and I'm ashamed by that fact. I'm humbled by the fact that I have to admit that I honestly don't know what I would have done. There should never have been any question.
If it had been my BFF, there wouldn't be a question. If it had been my godson or my goddaughter, there wouldn't have been a question. If it had been someone that I *know,* there wouldn't have been a question.
Why is there a question for a total stranger, then?
What racist thoughts are still packed away in my invisible backpack?
I need to do better. Because I cannot stand the thought - the certain knowledge - that my godson and my goddaughter will face this sort of behavior and I want to cry with the equally certain knowledge that somewhere nearby a potential ally will keep silent because she is burdened with a backpack she doesn't even know she carries.
I have no big answers and I do not presume to be smart enough to add much to the conversation. But, this is what I can do:
I can listen.
I can read.
I can learn.
I can do better.
I can examine my thoughts, find the rotten ones, and ruthlessly excise those from my brain. I can teach myself to be a better human being, an ally worthy of being called such, and I can vow to never be so afraid that I stay out of a fight simply because I can.
And then, I can speak up when someone needs to speak up. I can try my best to help, without doing further harm, and I can hope - earnestly, fervently, deeply - that somewhere out there, someone else is doing the same, so that when the day comes when it's someone I love that's facing discrimination, not only will they be strong enough to fight their own battles, but just maybe, they'll have an ally nearby, too.
I always say that when you make a mistake, the best thing to do is to say you're sorry and promise to do better.
I've made a lot of mistakes.
For what it's worth, I'm sorry.
For what it's worth, I'll do better.
It was going to be a fun writing exercise, and one dedicated to making me a better writer. I thought, "Self, turning something around in a few hours is a good exercise. Plus, it'll be fun."
But wading in on issues of inclusivness - or rather, on sensitive issues involving race, sexual orientation, gender and/or religion - is a bit daunting. I confess, I nearly backed out. I've read so many wonderful essays dedicated to these issues by men and women who are smarter and more knowledgable than me that I'm not sure what, if anything, I can offer to the conversation. Plus, honestly, the risk of public humiliation is high.
For the sake of disclaimer, allow me to say that I am a straight, white woman who grew up in the southern United States, and who definitely falls in the upper middle class in terms of education and current lifestyle (though not in terms of how I grew up).
I attended a prestigious private women's liberal arts college and then obtained my JD. I've practiced law for five years. I write for several newspapers and magazines about a variety of topics mostly ranging from health to entertainment. Until the past year, I was extremely healthy and suffered from no disabilities. (Now, I have chronic adult onset asthma, but that is not really relevant.)
I tell you these things so that anyone who might wish to turn away can do so, but also because I think it's important to understand where I've come from in order to understand where I am and where I'm going to. And I write this post because I've realized that no one in the whole world needs to know or care where I've been, where I stand, or where I'm going but me.
This is me, looking in the mirror, and admitting that I don't like everything I see.
For a while, I wracked my brain about how to best approach this topic, but then I remembered reading quite extensively about the idea of "BINGO cards" a few months back. I looked them up at the time and was appalled by some of the excuses on there, even as I became uncomfortable by some of the others. I was uncomfortable because at some point in my life, I'd heard them offered as an excuse and accepted them as valid. I was uncomfortable because at some point in my life, I'd made those excuses and felt justified.
Realizing that I'd made racist/ablest/(and even sexist) comments was upsetting in a way that I cannot describe and, for a while, I turned away from it. Then I read a post by a friend, who is a person of color, who said something along the lines of, "If you choose to turn and walk away, at least admit to yourself that it is your privilege that allows you that choice - and think about all of us that will never be given that choice."
That stung.
A lot.
Because it was true.
Still, I kept my silence for a long time - making even more excuses like "who wants to hear what I have to say anyway?" and "everyone else says it so much better." Then the topic comes up right after I challenged myself to answer every non-fannish topic with a post. I pep talked myself into positng and told myself to not be a coward. I may be many things, but I'm not a coward. And, as long as I can remember, I have demanded that I meet the same standards that I would expect of anyone else. So, here goes.
This is the first Bingo Card I ever saw. It had such a profound affect on me that I saved it to my computer. To my shame, I have failed with more than half of these categories in the past.
I thought, as a liberal, that I didn't need to worry about being racist. I thought, that as someone who grew up around minorities (both of my parents' best-friends were in bi-racial marriages), that as someone who took a black guy to my HS Prom, that as someone whose closet friend is a person of color, that as someone who has two god-children that aren't white, I was somehow magically immune to being racist.
Boy, was I wrong.
The US Census this year brought the problem home to me in a couple of unexpected ways. As many of you probably already know, it didn't have enough boxes on it. I have a friend from Peru who didn't know what box to check when it came to race. One of best friendz called me in tears because her child (my godson) didn't fit into any of the boxes.
I hadn't thought a thing of it. I checked "Caucasian" and sent the form back without a second thought.
And that, I think, is where I did it wrong. I need to have second thoughts more often. Hell, I need to have third and forth and fifth and fiftieth thoughts. Because if I, who claim to be an ally, turn a blind eye to the problem, then what kind of ally am I really?
I saw a video recently about "Shopping While Black" where an actress was hired to follow/harass other actors who were POC in a store in front of witnesses. The result was clear: Too few people, even those who later claimed to be allies, are willing to stand up and make a fuss when it needs to be made.
We turn away because we can. It's a luxury afforded by our skin color.
I wonder how I would have reacted in that situation prior to the video. I don't know and I'm ashamed by that fact. I'm humbled by the fact that I have to admit that I honestly don't know what I would have done. There should never have been any question.
If it had been my BFF, there wouldn't be a question. If it had been my godson or my goddaughter, there wouldn't have been a question. If it had been someone that I *know,* there wouldn't have been a question.
Why is there a question for a total stranger, then?
What racist thoughts are still packed away in my invisible backpack?
I need to do better. Because I cannot stand the thought - the certain knowledge - that my godson and my goddaughter will face this sort of behavior and I want to cry with the equally certain knowledge that somewhere nearby a potential ally will keep silent because she is burdened with a backpack she doesn't even know she carries.
I have no big answers and I do not presume to be smart enough to add much to the conversation. But, this is what I can do:
I can listen.
I can read.
I can learn.
I can do better.
I can examine my thoughts, find the rotten ones, and ruthlessly excise those from my brain. I can teach myself to be a better human being, an ally worthy of being called such, and I can vow to never be so afraid that I stay out of a fight simply because I can.
And then, I can speak up when someone needs to speak up. I can try my best to help, without doing further harm, and I can hope - earnestly, fervently, deeply - that somewhere out there, someone else is doing the same, so that when the day comes when it's someone I love that's facing discrimination, not only will they be strong enough to fight their own battles, but just maybe, they'll have an ally nearby, too.
I always say that when you make a mistake, the best thing to do is to say you're sorry and promise to do better.
I've made a lot of mistakes.
For what it's worth, I'm sorry.
For what it's worth, I'll do better.
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no subject
Date: 2010-04-27 10:38 pm (UTC)Well said.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-28 12:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-27 10:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-28 12:08 am (UTC)Thank you.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-27 11:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-28 12:09 am (UTC)This post is honest (that's why it's scary). I do care, I just need to learn to be better at it!
no subject
Date: 2010-04-28 12:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-28 12:11 am (UTC)it's appalling how much I've failed in the past
It's taken me a while to get to the place where I can look beyond my own fail and start trying to figure out how to do it better.
And that video is very powerful. It's haunted me for months. Link away!
no subject
Date: 2010-04-28 12:11 am (UTC)Thank you for posting this.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-28 12:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-28 11:35 am (UTC)I have no big answers and I do not presume to be smart enough to add much to the conversation. But, this is what I can do:
I can listen.
I can read.
I can learn.
I can do better.
You inspire me to do the same.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-28 06:22 pm (UTC)You inspire me to do the same.
♥