LJ Idol 23: So Long and Thanks for All the Fish!

[bewize]

Sometimes I fantasize about disappearing.*

I think about getting in my car and just driving until I run out of gas.

Then walking until I can't walk anymore.

Because this is my fantasy, the next step is realizing that there actually are aliens in the desert (which is invariably where I end up), and hitching a ride on a flying saucer.

In my dream, the aliens are less about probes and medical experiments than they are about non sequiturs.

Thanks for all the fish.**

The end of this fantasy wouldn't be dramatic. There would be no bloodstained floor or ransom letter left behind. My friends and family wouldn't be alarmed so much as there would be the vague nagging sensation that things somehow weren't as they had been. No one would panic. No one would grieve. The world would move on exactly as it had always been, and the Bewize-shaped hole left behind would quickly fill with other concerns.

Once I was successfully in space, I would find a room with large glass windows and I would float, in silence, and do nothing but stare at the stars until I could finally breathe freely again.

There would be no expectations. No pressures. No demands.

Nothing but the emptiness of infinite space.

*************************

I awoke in the middle of the night last night when my cell phone beeped at me. I had received a text message from a friend, who wanted me to know that U2 was on David Letterman. U2 – Letterman – 1 minute – hurry!

Still staggering from dream drunkenness, I grabbed my glasses, tripped over two cats, and crawled into the living room to watch my favorite band on television.

Sunday morning, I was getting dressed to meet a friend for lunch. My cell phone beeped and I glanced at it. Your boy Rahm is on Face the Nation in 2 minutes.

Gleefully, I abandoned all hopes of being somewhere on time for once and ran to the television set to see what news Rahm Emanuel had to share with me.

I live in the information age, where messages can reach me in seconds, phone calls from England sound like phone calls from next door, and internet sites like LiveJournal allow me to feel like I am a part of people's lives even if I don't see them more than once a year, or even if I've never met them before.

I am not alone.

*************************

This past month has been unbearably difficult for so many people. I have friends who, like me, are dealing with the loss of a job. I have friends who are on the verge of having babies, literally at any minute. Other friends are struggling with marital problems. More than one friend has lost a parent, and several others have lost extended family and pets.

I cannot do anything to help them. I can barely help myself right now.

But I’m glad I'm here for them.

For some of these people, I can offer an encouraging comment or email. For others, I can be a distraction on the telephone. A few people are close enough to receive hugs and the offer of a shoulder to cry on. In some small, and probably meaningless way, I try to make sure that the people I love know that I may not be much, but I am here for them.

You aren't alone.

*************************

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if we all got five minutes warning that the world was about to end. *

Maybe I'd go and drink an entire fifth of Jack Daniels.

Maybe I'd go up to the most handsome man I could find and shag my brains out.

But probably, I would try and call the people I loved most and tell them that I loved them.

Because this is my fantasy, my calls would go directly through. Everyone would answer, having chosen to talk to me instead of getting drunk or shagging someone's brains out, and we would exchange tearful and sincere good byes.

*************************

At the end of the day, even if sometimes the expectations are overwhelming, the pressures suffocating, and the demands feel unbearable, I can seek solace in friends and find a comforting shoulder.

It's nice to realize that if I left a Bewize-shaped hole, people would notice. Because none of us are in this alone.

And knowing that is the best thing in the world.

*Yes, I am aware that my fantasies suggest I might benefit from therapy. Thanks for noticing.
** A bonus point to anyone who recognized the Douglas Adams reference.


This entry was written in response to the therealljidol Challenge 23 – The Best Thing. There will (probably) be voting for this week's entries. I will make sure to link to the poll once it is put up and I would appreciate it if you would vote for me if you enjoy my entry. As always, feedback is welcome and appreciated.

Comments

[kathrynrose.livejournal.com]

1. This is lovely, and it left me misty-eyed.
2. *Yes, I am aware that my fantasies suggest I might benefit from therapy. Thanks for noticing. HAH!
3. I get a bonus point. I used to have that on an icon, but I must have deleted it.

[dabhug.livejournal.com]

Hugs to you. This is so wonderful. *sigh*

It is not meaningless and I am glad to be here with you.

[darkprism.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if we all got five minutes warning that the world was about to end. *

Maybe I'd go and drink an entire fifth of Jack Daniels.

Maybe I'd go up to the most handsome man I could find and shag my brains out.

But probably, I would try and call the people I loved most and tell them that I loved them.

Because this is my fantasy, my calls would go directly through. Everyone would answer, having chosen to talk to me instead of getting drunk or shagging someone's brains out, and we would exchange tearful and sincere good byes.

Yes. This.

And also -
Yes, I am aware that my fantasies suggest I might benefit from therapy. Thanks for noticing.

That made me laugh. :D

Excellent.

~*~

[boxsofrain.livejournal.com]

I had the background music in my head "Radiohead - How to Disappear Completely" at the beginning of this, but I knew it was going to get more optimistic as I read on (ooh another Radiohead reference). ;)

This entry is very, very, sweet. The perfect amount to give the reader a warm feeling at the end.

Nice job.

[momebie.livejournal.com]

I am one frood who always knows where her towel is.

The Bewize shaped whole would be huge, love. As long as you were happy though, no one could begrudge you that. It seems like these days, you have to try really hard to really, actually be alone.

[esmeelf.livejournal.com]

Another beautiful piece of writing, well done! And I'm sure the people important in your life would very much notice a Bewize shaped hole, whatever you say.

I can hardly claim the bonus point as I've actually used that phrase to you more than once over the years. *grin*

[monkeysugarmama.livejournal.com]

This was wonderful - I really liked the repetition of I am not alone, you are not alone, none of us are alone.

We aren't - although sometimes it is SO easy to get lonely, even when surrounded by so much communication.

Thank you for this :)

[walkertxkitty.livejournal.com]

I think everyone wants to disappear like that sometimes. It's a normal mark of living in an age where there's so much available it can be overwhelming and a natural curiosity about whether or not anyone would miss you if you did.

[strangevisitor7.livejournal.com]

It's nice to be reminded sometimes that we are not alone and we are all very much connected (even if we never meet face to face.)

And that Bewize shaped hole - yep we'd notice.

Just a wonderful piece as always. *hugs*

[baxaphobia.livejournal.com]

Instead of drinking the Jack you should drink a pangallactic gargleblaster! Yay for Douglas Adams! Great entry!

[ninjakat.livejournal.com]

Would *definitely* notice a Bewize-shaped hole, and therefore it's just not allowed to happen! :D

[cascadewaters.livejournal.com]

We would all benefit from therapy, dearheart. So there again, you are far from alone.

And I mistyped 'far' as 'fara.' I really have got to finish that LOTR crossover.

I recognized both of them. :)

*hugs tight* I miss you!!

I totally get the bonus point

[beldar.livejournal.com]

While reading the first part, all I could think was: Take me with you!

Is the Bewize-sized hole an interesting shape, like something made by a cosmic cookie-cutter? If I knew I was leaving a Beldar-sized hole, I might try to be creative about it. =)

[imafarmgirl.livejournal.com]

Grin. I liked this.

[scienter.livejournal.com]

Fantastic. I, for one, think it's completely and totally normal to want to disappear several times each week. And if it's not, maybe we can get a two-for-one deal on that therapy?

ETA: Who can't spell 'one'? Oye

ETA take two: Seriously? OK, I think it's good now. I apologize for spamming your inbox with my inability to spell 3-letter words.

[emo-snal.livejournal.com]

Your entry has beautiful structure (=

[agirlnamedluna.livejournal.com]

I knew I'd love your post right from the title in the entry post!

[xaheras.livejournal.com]

If the world was ending in five minutes, I'm sure I'd end up drinking three pints. I'd need it.

[johnmill79.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I wonder if anybody would notice if I just disappeared. It makes me kind of sad to think about that, actually.

Nice piece.

[nurse-2004.livejournal.com]

that hole would be huge and quite noticible. Hope to see you on the 14th - have something to give you.