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bewizeI wrote this before I realized this week's post wasn't mandatory. I like it, so I'm posting it here, and will likely post to the community because - yes, I am a masochist. LOL.
ATTENTION READERS!!!
THIS IS A POST FROM THE FUTURE. SPECIFICALLY, THIS IS A POST FROM NEW YEAR’S EVE ONE YEAR FROM NOW. TOMORROW BEGINS 2012.
As you can clearly tell by this very post, we have invented (but not yet perfected) time travel. I have come back to warn you about a few… shall we say… relevant facts to your future.
1. 2011 isn’t all that different from 2010. Except for the tiny little blackhole incident that happens on March 15. Beware the Ides, folks. Shakespeare knew his stuff.
2. To fix the tiny little blackhole incident that happens on March 15, some genius decided to invent antimatter. Yeah, so NOT the best plan anyone has ever had. It’s going to make for a really rough April.
3. But you’ll survive!Most likely… And May really isn’t so bad. Really. Of course, Bettle-flu isn’t so terrible compared to the zombies of June, so maybe that’s relative.
4. June goes much better for people who have flame-throwers. I’m just saying…
5. Look at the good news! If you make it to August, you’re in good shape and you’ve mastered the art of self-defense, so the teeny little alien invasion is more like a hiccup.
6. Oh, and if you get to November, I hope you stockpiled bottled water.
7. December in the bunker was nice. Kind of festive, really. My fervent wish that more people had packed deodorant, notwithstanding.
2012 looms a bit ominous. I blame the Aztecs. Buncha bitches, really. But it will be what it will be.
Don’t bother making New Year’s Resolutions for 2011, though. I mean financial responsibility goes out the window when all the Swiss banks get sucked into the black hole. And April… well, let’s just say that the guy who told everyone to wear sunscreen wasn’t lying.
Beetle-flu has been named the most successful dietary aid in the history of mankind, and if you’ve got a few extra pounds by that time, well… you’re one of the lucky ones. Exercise becomes an ironic term for “learning how to run for your life successfully” and, trust me, your hobbies will increase exponentially to include reading survival guides, weapons manuals, home-farming aids and a variety of other “How To” books.
Drinking more water? Well, that one you may actually want to consider. But don’t worry about making more friends! You’ll meet so many new people in December that you’ll long for the days when you could spend an evening by yourself. But, festive. Really. (Bring deodorant.)
Of course, the imperfected method of time-travel that we have likely means that the very act of posting this will inexorably change the future – and before you ask yourself how that could be a bad thing – let me just say, we could have lost in August. And we’re not talking about cute E.T. types of aliens. You’ll wish probes were the worst things on the agenda.
Awww, hell. Sunscreen and bottled water. Oh, and flamethrowers. Put those on your New Year’s Resolutions and you’ll be doing pretty damn good. If you put deodorant on your list, look me up in Bunker 7862 in underground ATL in December. I make a mean rat stew. You’ll love it. Haute cuisine ain’t got nothing on me!
If I could give you one piece of advice, as the end of 2010 approaches and the New Year is about to begin it’s this – tell your loved ones you love them. A lot. As often as you can. Make it uncomfortable, even.
And buy yourself a goddamned flame thrower!
Best of luck,
Bewize
This entry was written for Topic (Week Break): New Year at![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
therealljidol. I assume voting will take place later this week per the norm. Everyone should check out all the good entries (if anyone else is as nuts as I am)!
ATTENTION READERS!!!
THIS IS A POST FROM THE FUTURE. SPECIFICALLY, THIS IS A POST FROM NEW YEAR’S EVE ONE YEAR FROM NOW. TOMORROW BEGINS 2012.
As you can clearly tell by this very post, we have invented (but not yet perfected) time travel. I have come back to warn you about a few… shall we say… relevant facts to your future.
1. 2011 isn’t all that different from 2010. Except for the tiny little blackhole incident that happens on March 15. Beware the Ides, folks. Shakespeare knew his stuff.
2. To fix the tiny little blackhole incident that happens on March 15, some genius decided to invent antimatter. Yeah, so NOT the best plan anyone has ever had. It’s going to make for a really rough April.
3. But you’ll survive!
4. June goes much better for people who have flame-throwers. I’m just saying…
5. Look at the good news! If you make it to August, you’re in good shape and you’ve mastered the art of self-defense, so the teeny little alien invasion is more like a hiccup.
6. Oh, and if you get to November, I hope you stockpiled bottled water.
7. December in the bunker was nice. Kind of festive, really. My fervent wish that more people had packed deodorant, notwithstanding.
2012 looms a bit ominous. I blame the Aztecs. Buncha bitches, really. But it will be what it will be.
Don’t bother making New Year’s Resolutions for 2011, though. I mean financial responsibility goes out the window when all the Swiss banks get sucked into the black hole. And April… well, let’s just say that the guy who told everyone to wear sunscreen wasn’t lying.
Beetle-flu has been named the most successful dietary aid in the history of mankind, and if you’ve got a few extra pounds by that time, well… you’re one of the lucky ones. Exercise becomes an ironic term for “learning how to run for your life successfully” and, trust me, your hobbies will increase exponentially to include reading survival guides, weapons manuals, home-farming aids and a variety of other “How To” books.
Drinking more water? Well, that one you may actually want to consider. But don’t worry about making more friends! You’ll meet so many new people in December that you’ll long for the days when you could spend an evening by yourself. But, festive. Really. (Bring deodorant.)
Of course, the imperfected method of time-travel that we have likely means that the very act of posting this will inexorably change the future – and before you ask yourself how that could be a bad thing – let me just say, we could have lost in August. And we’re not talking about cute E.T. types of aliens. You’ll wish probes were the worst things on the agenda.
Awww, hell. Sunscreen and bottled water. Oh, and flamethrowers. Put those on your New Year’s Resolutions and you’ll be doing pretty damn good. If you put deodorant on your list, look me up in Bunker 7862 in underground ATL in December. I make a mean rat stew. You’ll love it. Haute cuisine ain’t got nothing on me!
If I could give you one piece of advice, as the end of 2010 approaches and the New Year is about to begin it’s this – tell your loved ones you love them. A lot. As often as you can. Make it uncomfortable, even.
And buy yourself a goddamned flame thrower!
Best of luck,
Bewize
This entry was written for Topic (Week Break): New Year at
therealljidol. I assume voting will take place later this week per the norm. Everyone should check out all the good entries (if anyone else is as nuts as I am)!
no subject
Date: 2010-12-28 02:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-28 02:52 am (UTC)