Dieting and Body Image
Feb. 3rd, 2011 08:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bewizeThis is my own personal journey that I'm discussing under the cut. I realize that not everyone feels the same way and respect your choices, but please no nay-saying about my goals. Thanks. :)
I am seven lbs away from being at the weight I was at for my 30th birthday. It was my lightest adult weight and I feel VERY confident that I will get back to it. I am, unreservedly, excited.
But, what I don't get, and what is driven ever more home, is the fact that what I see in the mirror is not what I see in the photos from that night. I love the photos of that party, mostly because I had such an amazing and wonderful night, surrounded by most of the people I love most. But when I look at those photos, I think I look good and when I look at myself now in the mirror, I think I look bloody awful.
Is it the seven lbs? Maybe. It's more likely the fact that I just hate my body and that makes me sad, because in a lot of ways I don't hate my body. Ugh. WHY SO HARD MENTAL SELF IMAGES???
Anyway, I've been back on WW very strictly this week and can actually see a difference in the mirror. My face is thinner than it was this time last week. How bizarre is that?!
In the next six lbs, I will hit quite a few milestones on this latest journey, ending with being the lightest I've been in my adult life. (Or at least, I think so. I avoided scales for most of my life and still hate them.) In five lbs, I will hit the number that I swore I would never cross again the last time I lost weight.
I regret that I put so much of the weight back on, but I don't blame myself as much as I blame the mass quantity of steroids I was on for about eight months to help with the breathing. Steroids dampen the natural "full" feeling while slowing the metabolism. Bah.
My clothes are looser; I feel better; I'm happier with the way I look. I just... don't want to mess this up again. I've worked too hard to give up now and maybe, if I keep at it, I'll be thin at least once in my life.
I am seven lbs away from being at the weight I was at for my 30th birthday. It was my lightest adult weight and I feel VERY confident that I will get back to it. I am, unreservedly, excited.
But, what I don't get, and what is driven ever more home, is the fact that what I see in the mirror is not what I see in the photos from that night. I love the photos of that party, mostly because I had such an amazing and wonderful night, surrounded by most of the people I love most. But when I look at those photos, I think I look good and when I look at myself now in the mirror, I think I look bloody awful.
Is it the seven lbs? Maybe. It's more likely the fact that I just hate my body and that makes me sad, because in a lot of ways I don't hate my body. Ugh. WHY SO HARD MENTAL SELF IMAGES???
Anyway, I've been back on WW very strictly this week and can actually see a difference in the mirror. My face is thinner than it was this time last week. How bizarre is that?!
In the next six lbs, I will hit quite a few milestones on this latest journey, ending with being the lightest I've been in my adult life. (Or at least, I think so. I avoided scales for most of my life and still hate them.) In five lbs, I will hit the number that I swore I would never cross again the last time I lost weight.
I regret that I put so much of the weight back on, but I don't blame myself as much as I blame the mass quantity of steroids I was on for about eight months to help with the breathing. Steroids dampen the natural "full" feeling while slowing the metabolism. Bah.
My clothes are looser; I feel better; I'm happier with the way I look. I just... don't want to mess this up again. I've worked too hard to give up now and maybe, if I keep at it, I'll be thin at least once in my life.