LJ Idol: The first gingerbread bite

[bewize]

“The Gingerbread House has four walls, a roof, a door, a window, and a chimney. It is decorated with many sweet culinary delights on the outside.

But on the inside there is nothing—only the bare gingerbread walls.

It is not a real house—not until you decide to add a Gingerbread Room.

That’s when the stories can move in.

They will stay in residence for as long as you abstain from taking the first gingerbread bite.”

― Vera Nazarian, The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration


My office has a tradition of putting together gingerbread houses for our firm Christmas party. Last year, we started meeting at a restaurant instead of one of the partner's homes, so we skipped this particular tradition. That was a relief, y'all, because those little suckers are HARD to put together.

Monday morning two weeks ago, I came into my office to see a brightly colored wrapped package. I was super excited, because it wasn't the day for Secret Santa, so this was just a random gift.

Or, so I thought.

"Bring to the office on December 14 for judging."

There it was, in all it's slick lies and promise of simplicity, a gingerbread house in a box kit.

Of course, I waited until last night to assemble it. My friend wanted to help, and my boyfriend certainly didn't. He's lived through the years where we had to do this at the actual firm party, so he's smart enough to run away. Anyway, she came over and we made cookie dough, ate dinner, played with the baby and then got to business.

I was putting cookies in the oven while she opened the package and box and heard, "Uhh, Bewize? This is broken."

"They usually are," I said absently, much more concerned about the cookies that I was baking than the stale gross gingerbread she was unwrapping.

"Some of this is sand," she said, and her tone of voice sounded genuinely upset. I shoved the cookies in the oven and went over to see what we were working with.

Crumble. Pieces. Broken fragments. A few side panels had only snapped once, but the whole thing was a total shambles.

Clearly, the gingerbread house hadn't survived transport well.

"Oh, shit." I paused, tempted to shrug and throw it all away. But, I could tell that she was really disappointed. "Let's see what we can make of the pieces," I finally suggested.

An hour later, covered in hardened frosting (which also hadn't survived transport well), we ended up with a wonky stone hinge. Of course, even that fell apart after a few minutes. Not even cement frosting and toothpicks would hold this mess up.

I snapped a picture and sent it to my office with the word SABOTAGE as the email header.

Then, we talked about the gingerbread house.

I felt a little bad for my friend. She'd cleared an evening to come and spend time and work on this project. She'd brought extra candy and decorations. She was really into the whole idea. She doesn't have family that she's close to. Me, the boyfriend, the baby - we are her de facto family, and our house is her family home.

We are her Christmas experience.

She was gutted.

I showed her the picture I'd sent to the office. She paused, then took the fondant in a package, unwrapped it, and crafted a disembodied hand with a prominently displayed middle finger.

I was so proud of her. I promptly sent that picture out as a "reply all" to myself, with a metric ton of giggles between us. She told me later she admired my balls.

Later, she asked if I'd agree to help her put together another gingerbread house for the contest she'd started at her work.

I mentally sighed, because she doesn't know - it's always like that. It never turns out like you plan. It's deceptively cheerful box, holding disappointment, things that won't go right, and icky tasting cookies and candy.

"Yep, of course!" I replied. Because, it's Christmas. Because, she's family. Because that gingerbread house is nothing, if not a metaphor for life.

I saved the fondant middle finger, though. Just because. After all, it's always good to be prepared!


Written for LJ Idol prompt: "Sucker Punch." I will link the poll if there is voting.

Comments

[escritoireazul]

Back in high school, a bunch of my friends took home ec (I could not because it always conflicted with my AP classes -- because, of course, college-bound students didn't need home ec and no one who wanted to take home ec was AP worth, damn it, school), and the fall semester, they always made the most beautiful, elaborate, delicious gingerbread masterpieces. Castles and cabins in the woods and skyscrapers, etc.

I have never managed to make even one out of a box.

They are the devil's decorations, I tell you. The devil's. (Do love icing and candy, though.)

[dmousey]

My children's aunt builds and creates lovely and quite tasty gingerbread houses. It's one of the things I miss about my ex in-laws, their traditions. 🐭🐀✌😐

[adoptedwriter]

Mt SIL used to make a ginormous one for a table centerpiece. I wish I had that kind of time.

[bsgsix]

My poor seven-year-old just tried to make his first, and it - flopped. Literally. He was devastated and basically walked away, telling the house that it was from hell. I snickered. Those things ARE difficult.

But there is a beautiful tradition and craft to them, and a lot of people have personal reasons to make them. I like how that was talked about here, and how it really can be a metaphor for life - not just the frustration, but the crumbling, the rebuilding, the togetherness, and the deception. Clever take on the prompt!

[tatdatcm]

I decorated a pre-built one with my grandchildren this year. It still kind of caved in. We only did one. They each decorated their own half, so it helped maintain sanity. LOL! I’ve only ever tried one from scratch and it was not as fun as one would think or hope.

[dmousey]

My children's Aunt creates a wonderful gingerbread house every year. It's wonderful, she does it from scratch-and then the week after New Year has a demolition party.

She's such a wonderful baker and makes it look easy! I just want to eat it! ✌😊💜🐀🐭

[murielle]

I have never made one. It was never a family tradition, so no real motivation. I did watch with wonder as Martha Stewart drafted a miniature replica of her country home and then baked it from scratch. Very scary! ;-)

[bellatrix_lestrange]

Aww I loved this. I've never made a gingerbread house but I've always wanted to, hopefully one day soon :D

[halfshellvenus]

I have tried the gingerbread house before-- with graham crackers at the kids' school, with pfefferneus instead of gingerbread (our family's preferred cookie). My sister has been through various disasters. Mostly, they are 'binding' icing that doesn't bind, and roofs that collapse from the stress of gravity. But overall, it's a fabulous potential project where the reality tends to be unpredictable and obnoxious. :O

I'm glad you decided to try again for your friend, though-- that seemed like kind of a heartbreaking disappointment for her, and how sad. Kind of like the Christmas Suckhole instead of the Christmast Spirit. :(

[the_eternal_overthinker]

This was a Fun read :) I have never seen/ made a ginger bread house and this sounds fascinating. In our part of the world they make more of traditional Indian sweets with cake of course. I liked the tone of this. And a picture of the fondant middle finger would have been the icing ;)

[bleodswean]

Ha! I like that response to this often-times crazed "tradition." And I very much enjoy your personal tone in these essays.

[tonithegreat]

You make me feel a little bad at my grinchiness in not embracing the gingerbread revolution with this! But only a little bad! We can’t all do all the things. This was a lovely narrative. Very enjoyable.

[aggienaut]

Were all the coworkers gingerbread houses in a similar state of unsalvagable destruction??

[static_abyss]

Full disclaimer: my knowledge of gingerbread or gingerbread houses is limited to the gingerbread man from Shrek and to this one time back when I was in middle school when I baked gingerbread in that one home ec class that one time. So perhaps that's the reason I am considering bringing up a gingerbread house making contest at work. I love that that was your friend's first instinct too.

[wolfden]

We do gingerbread with friends and their kids and lots of Royal icing and usually graham crackers instead. It’s usualy chaos but semi entertaining. I would not like to have to do it for work. I used unpopped popcorn as stones on my house last year. We used popped popcorn as snow.