LJ Idol 00: My Elevator Speech

[bewize]

Supposedly, everyone should have an elevator speech ready in a moment's notice. Thirty seconds isn't much time to persuade someone that we are an ideal candidate for a job, or a date, or a bizarre opportunity, but "smart" people have one on hand.

I have no elevator speech.

Perhaps this is a mistake.

Perhaps if I had an elevator speech, I wouldn't have been laid off in February.

Perhaps if I had an elevator speech, I would have chatted up that hot guy who sold diamonds on the 10th floor of the building I used to work in and being living in Zurich or Paris right now.

Perhaps if I had an elevator speech, I would have impressed someone famous in passing and could have travelled the world with a chance at being famous myself.

I could be the best in the world at elevator speeches. I shall now practice.

In case I run into a potential boss:

"Hello, my name is Bewize. I'm a litigation attorney, with an excellent record, and no fear in the court room. I like clients, and more importantly, clients like me."

In case I run into a potential date:

"Hi! I'm Bewize. I like action movies and sports. I love going out to eat and I prefer pubs and bars to dance clubs. I like to travel, and… ummm… I'm bendy."

In case I meet someone famous:

"Hello, I'm Bewize and I'm a fan. Also, I have the perfect screenplay in mind for you. In fact, I thought of it with you in mind. You should let me tell you about it over drinks."

More likely, even an amazing elevator speech wouldn't have changed my life in any way. Honestly, they are a terrible way to get to know someone. They leave out important details, like:

In case I run into a potential boss:

"You should probably also know that I haven't ever really enjoyed working in a Big Firm and my two experiences both ended badly. I have Boss PTSD now."

In case I run into a potential date:

"I require a lot of personal space and if you snore, you will sleep on the sofa. With the cats, who, by the way were there first, so don't kick them off."

In case I meet someone famous:

"I really don't know who you are, but I feel like you could be useful to me in my life, therefore, I shall suck up."

Most of these facts are true. (And if I met a famous person, I could come up with a screenplay in a matter of seconds, if it mattered.)

I am a mass of contradictions. I am a lawyer who doesn't like lawyers for the most part (with certain exceptions!). I like action movies, but a well done romantic comedy is a thing of beauty to be cherished. I dislike clubs, but love to dance. I like meeting famous people, because I like picking their brains to figure out what they did right.

In case I meet someone in therealljidol who wants to know more about me:

I should also point out that I am a freelance writer. I opened my own law firm this year. I have had so many health problems of late that I am operating under the theory that 2009 is trying to kill me. I like television. I'm reading classic literature that I feel I should have read in the past, but didn't, in order to keep my brain from atrophying.

Oh, and I am bendy.

This entry was written in response to the therealljidol Challenge 00 – Introductions. Feedback is always welcome and appreciated..

Comments

[comedychick.livejournal.com]

My husband was a lawyer who hated working in a firm (he hasn't been in a large one), so started his own, which he ran for about six years until he decided to do something new. I don't think he likes too many other lawyers either, especially if they represent insurance companies. He hates insurance companies.

Good luck with your own firm. Do you specialise in any particular areas? My husband tended toward IT Law.

[bewize.livejournal.com]

LOL. I worked insurance defense in my last job. Prior to that I did Plaintiff's work in wrongful foreclosure.

Now I do a bit of everything to pay the bills. :)

[comedychick.livejournal.com]

haha, did it make you hate insurance companies too? :) Interesting that you specialised so much when you worked at the other places. My husband did a larger variety of work when he worked at the firm than when he ran his own, I guess because he chose the sort of work he wanted to do that way. He especially hated family law, if I recall, so he didn't offer that in his firm. Even though you do a bit of everything, do you have a favourite area?